Boot Camp for Cocktail Waitressing and Life

I had no idea there were so many things to learn before life was to begin. Somehow, early on, I got the impression that from birth to say, about the time I was supposed to snag a rich husband that anything I did was in preparation for THE ONE and that nothing else was really all that important. Most of this was supposed to come to me by osmosis, as my parents really never told me very much about anything. Here are the two things my mother told me that seemed really important to her:

1) Don't ever do anything with a man that would cause you to feel uncomfortable around him at a cocktail party in 30 years

2) If you ever feel bad, just put on some lipstick and you'll immediately feel better

Well, that just about sums up the parenting. On speed dial. She was really a busy person. I had no idea what she did, though it always seemed like it was really important that she go somewhere. Now I understand that she just wanted to get away from 5 children and 4 dogs and I don't blame her. She also had 0 parenting skills most likely because she was raised by her older siblings. She was born in 1919 when both of her parents were in their 40's, and my grandmother was mortified to think that people would know she'd been having sex at at such an advanced age so she more or less pushed Mother off on the others to raise. At least that is what I think based on what she told me. My aunt and uncle used to take her to the cemetery where they'd all go to drink, and they'd tell her that they'd stick her in a grave if she told on them. I am SURE that didn't warp her.

Things I was unaware of for the longest time:

1) That the real world was not black and white before color movies came along. I actually thought this.

2) That people who lived through the Great Depression were actually depressed themselves-the stories I was told made it sound almost cool to have suffered through that.

3) That it is not true that men will be forced to rape you if they become aroused-I got this one courtesy of Mamie, a wonderful housekeeper who gave me tons of lovely misinformation like this.

4) That people lie on occasion. This one is still getting to me. I took just about everything anyone ever told me as the Gospel Truth, and that gullibility still rears its ugly head quite often.

I think that is enough list-making for today, but this is just a bit of the boot camp that lasted for 18 years. When my father died that changed everything.

To be continued...